Longer I

Keeping me alive
and saving me-
are two very
different things.

You tell me
I’ll go back to
Being myself
Again,
But see-
When you’ve
Been lost for
As long as I
Have,
You start to think
There’s nothing
Left,
You start to believe
You were destined for
Darkness.
-Greetings from the other side
I want to feel
the contractions
in my stomach;
food traveling up-
defiant;
acid in my mouth;
fire in my lungs
as I cough.
I want to feel
empty,
light,
translucent almost.
I want to feel
in control-
like the world
isn’t spinning
away from me.
I want to
breathe without drowning;
I want to go back,
but instead-
I sit and count
the stars inside
my mind
and add calories
until I lose count.
-Two steps back
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